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We Loved
Up
Give A Goodnight Kiss
Start Loving Yourself and Your Life
LIVING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT
THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING
CREATING MORE TIME AND MONEY
RELAX, HAVE FUN, AND ENJOY LIFE
RELATIONSHIPS
ILLNESS AND GRIEF
YOUR FAMILY, CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE
BAD HABITS
YOU AND SOCIETY
SPIRITUALITY
YOUR JOURNAL AND QUESTIONNAIRE
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YOUR FAMILY, CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE
79. The Hardest Job You'll Ever Love.
Anyone with kids will tell you that it is a whole ton of work and
that they had no idea the reality of it until they had their own little
darlings. No one told us. Could you tell a single, childless person what having
a family would be like? There'd be no kids in this world. Babies are tough if
they are criers. Tots are strong-willed. Teens drain you. Face it . . . it's
tough. Go ahead and have a pity party. You've earned it. But keep in mind: what
would your life be like if you didn't have those kids? You can't imagine it
because you've got them, and your life is changed forever. They are a part of
you. So cherish them, love them, talk to them, hug them, nurture them, mold
them, give them your best. Give them your all. They need you, and you need them.
(Hey, marriage is no piece of cake, either!)
80. Celebrate Your Unique Family Style.
Families of today do not fit the neat and tidy 1950's stereotype of
two parents, two kids, and a dog in a happy little place called Suburbia. Maybe
that has been a myth all along. And that is okay. Don't beat yourself up over
not sitting down together as a family for dinner every night or not having a
perfectly neat house or a sparkling clean kitchen. Maybe you're a single parent,
a blended family, or live with an extended family. If what you are doing is
working and makes everyone feel loved and nurtured, then hooray for you!
Congratulations! You must be doing a lot of things right. Of course there is
always room for improvement, and you probably know where; but don't let the
"June Cleaver" model ruin the good thing you have going because that is
fantasyland and probably never existed anyway. Don' let the fantasy ruin the
reality. (JE)
81. Go Ahead and Tear Your Hair Out.
Do your kids whine, stall at homework time, build traps out of ropes and junk,
and freak out about bugs, dogs, or doctors? Are they picky eaters, TV addicts,
and video game junkies? Do they want to get tattoos or body piercing and dye
their hair? Relax . . . it's all normal. They're just trying to find their place
in the world, and see how far you will bend. Try not to spoil them too much. Go
take a nice bath! (JE)
82. Make Your Kids Your Number One Priority.
There is nothing else you do that is more important than raising your kids. They
need you, a secure home, and a balanced life. You are drawing the
blueprint that they will build on for their whole lives. Be available for them.
Talk with them. Get to know them. Spend time with them. Before you know it, they
will be packing up and moving out, and you'll wonder where the time went. No
amount of money can make up for a lost opportunity to be with your kids. Don't
bury yourself in your work, your housekeeping, or your TV; do those things later
when they move out. Take vacations with your whole family. Plan them together.
Have some happy times together. (JE)
83. Never Use Your Kids in a War with Your "Ex."
If you are divorced or separated, your kids are feeling very
vulnerable and insecure. They need to know that your dedication to raising them
will not be compromised. They want to love both of their parents. Try to make
your kids feel loved and nurtured, and help them feel in control of their new
life. Kids should not have to take sides. Don't bad-mouth your ex. Try to find
common ground with your ex when it comes to parenting styles so that the kids
have some sense of continuity. Do all you can to create agreement instead of
conflict. You should be ready to make as many personal sacrifices as necessary
to keep your kids' lives running as smoothly as possible. (JE)
84. Do Stuff with Your Kids.
Take them to the park. Read to them. Go to the movies. Teach them to cook. Go
bowling. Play a board game. Wash the car together. Plant a garden together.
Build a fort. Let them help you with chores or projects. Yes, it will take twice
as long and might turn out weird. So? Kids need to learn and want your company.
The process is always more important than the product. (JE)
85. Read Out Loud to Your Kids.
Pull a chair up to your children's beds and read to them every night.
It will help them fall asleep, they will develop a love of reading, and you will
both treasure this special time together. Many teens and adults will confide
that their happiest memories are of a parent or relative reading to them as
children. Go to your library and pick out books you both will enjoy. Your
children's librarian has lots of great ideas.
86. Be a Good Role Model.
Kids learn from you . . . both good and bad. If you gossip or are
sarcastic or negative, your kids will act the same. They are an excellent
mirror, and sometimes we don't like what we see. So choose your words and
behaviors wisely. If you don't want your kids to drink, smoke, or do drugs, then
don't indulge in those behaviors yourself. (JE)
87. Don't Let Your Kids Grow Up Too Fast!
The media is constantly deluging kids with images that promote them
growing up too fast. Little kids should not dress, act and think like teenagers.
They do not need to watch music videos intended for teens, scary movies, bad
language sit coms, or negative news shows. Use the TV and movie ratings and
watch out for violence. Play kid's music. Watch little kid's programming. Let
your kids be kids. Cherish their innocence.
88. Your Kids Are Different People From You.
Respect the fact that everyone is different and unique. What works for one
person won't work for another. People with more than one child will tell you
they all come different. So don't assume your child thinks or sees the world the
same as you do. Try to help them develop their own unique talents and abilities.
Respect their way of doing things. You can learn a lot from looking through
their eyes for a change. (JE)
89. Never Call Your Children a Mean Name or Label Them.
You cannot take your words back and it might affect them for the rest
of their lives.
90. Fathers: Spend Time With Your Daughters.
If you do not pay enough attention to your daughters, they often will
have boyfriends before they're mature enough to deal with that kind of
relationship. And that is not always so terrific.
91. Kids and Teens Want and Need to Talk.
Promote this healthy habit early, and your kids will keep it up as
they get older. Ask younger kids about what they did in P.E., who they played
with at recess, what they played, what special things they did in school, how
they feel about their classmates, etc. Ask bigger kids about their teachers,
their assignments, who they hung out with at lunch, what they think about the
different groups or cliques, etc. Give them support and validate their feelings.
Talking things out helps young people put things in perspective. Remember,
sometimes kids and teens think something is a crisis, and to them it is. Don't
trivialize it. Show them options, and try to show them some balance; but if you
make fun of their feelings and dilemmas, they will not turn to you again. Keep
communication open. Be sympathetic and make helpful suggestions. (JE)
92. Help Teens Use an Assignment Organizer.
When teens start having a different teacher for each class, their homework and
test schedules get very complicated. Many students lose track of important
dates. Buy them an assignment planning calendar. This is basically a calender
designed for students that is organized week by week, followed by a whole month.
The student should take this to every class and fill in all assignments due,
test dates, holidays, papers and projects, etc. When they get the hang of it,
they often start writing in games, dances, and more. This one item can help any
student be better organized and feel more in control. (JE)
93. Help Girls Develop a Positive Body Image.
Girls today are bombarded with images of excessively thin, unrealistically
beautiful models. Most of these women and girls are not an average body type and
are actually underweight for their height. Although these women may make
clothing look attractive, they are not a realistic ideal for young, healthy
girls. Stress that "real people" come in all shapes and sizes and that being
emaciated is not healthy, desirable, or beautiful in real life. (Mothers: Don't
constantly say you are fat or hate your body in front of your young daughters.)
94. "Boys Will Be Boys" is NOT OKAY.
Males have been forced into unhealthy stereotypes for too long.
Telling males to "not be wimps" and "to tough it out" leaves them without a
constructive emotional outlet. Hence, anger and rage is often a problem for
them. Boys and men need to be taught how to manage their anger. Boys who act
macho, tough, and cool could end up in real trouble. Boys also need to learn to
identify and honor all the varieties of emotions that we as human beings can and
do feel. Being well adjusted and well rounded will be critical for success in
the new millennium. Teach your boys to identify the real issues behind their
negative behaviors so that they can find solutions. Teach them to say: I feel
sad, rejected, lonely, hurt, embarrassed, humiliated, etc. (Crying is normal.)
Then encourage them to talk through their hurt. Communication is key. Be sure
boys have creative outlets that allow the expression of their inner needs. Teens
also benefit from physical activity, such as sports or fitness training, that
help to keep their stress levels down. Help your sons develop their humanity,
compassion, and minds as well as their muscles. (JE)
95. Promote Sibling Loyalty.
Promote the idea that families support and uplift each other. Remind your kids
that even when you are gone from this world, they will still have
each other to turn to. They can be a safety net for one another in this often
insecure world. Family is forever, and kids will respond to this concept
wholeheartedly if they are taught early to respect each other and themselves as
part of a united family group and as loyal and dedicated to their siblings. They
are a permanent team, and they will embrace the idea if you promote it. When you
use catch-all phrases like "siblings always fight," you are basically condoning
disagreement. An occasional squabble is okay; but this should not be your
family's regular diet.
96. Turn Off the TV.
Many people actually become addicted to TV and will go through a type
of withdrawal when it is turned off. There are a million other great things for
kids to do that they won't try if the TV is on. If possible, restrict viewing to
certain designated times or have "TV off" periods. Kids will rediscover playing,
going outside, being creative, doing their homework, reading, interacting with
family, and a host of other activities. TV should enhance your life, not be your
life.
97. Don't Overmedicate Your Kids.
Kids living in the USA are more medicated than in any other country.
Most drugs have side effects, and a lifetime of chronic prescription drug use is
generally not a healthy habit. Some kids do have very real diseases and medical
conditions that warrant medical intervention. But all too often, we do not look
carefully for the cause of a problem, we just treat the symptoms. If your child
is moody, is aggressive, can't concentrate, has stomachaches, gets rashes, or
earaches, has a constantly runny nose, or zones out, the cause might be
something you can correct yourself. Diet is a major contributing factor in many
health problems. Artificial dyes, flavors, preservatives, and sweeteners are
added to many prepared foods (especially those targeted for kids), and kids can
be very allergic to these. Many children react poorly to dairy products,
excessive amounts of sugar (sodas and candy), peanuts, and chocolate. Too much
TV can shorten a child's attention span. In addition, many kids simply get to
bed too late. Sometimes dust mites, mold, scented products, and soaps can affect
a child's health. Even the family pet can be a problem for some kids. Earplugs
for swimming and bathing can help with earaches. Read labels, and do some
research. It is worth any amount of effort to restore your child's health. Look
at your child's environment, and search for the cause of his or her problem
before you start a regular drug regimen.
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Meaning of Love
Home Work
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